Yea, bad mood todae. Right after kelly wasnt feeling well. Probably we infect each other with negative emotions?? Or maybe it was mood swings? Sigh, I really have to control myself, especially mood swings.

The first person who concerned about me was ShiLei. She kinda asked like "You look tired today?" Or something. I just nodded and tried to shrug the feeling off.

:/ I'm not angry, i just feel slightly rebellious, i dont feel like giving a shit. Just now, they guys were soooo immature that I wanted to point middle finger and ask them to shut their noisy ass. But I felt depressed.... Not to the point of cutting myself, I just felt miserable, like I was a failure, and nobody cared about me... They don't understand.... But I don't expect them to... It was my fault. I shouldn't get so pissed or even ignored them. I just felt like escaping from cca for a few hours to calm and bring back myself together, but I felt lonely and insecure. I felt like non-existent, and when people bothered about me, they don't care about how I felt. They're like "Stop doing hw, opening parade already!"Can't they see I just DON'T feel like giving a fuck? If you don't know me, don't care about me, leave me alone.  But I still tried my best to maintain myself during cca... It was tiring trying not to breakdown.

I went back to sjab room to do hw + music to get the scary negative thoughts I have been plagued with. Its scary having these thoughts. I'm scared. But there's no one I could talk to... I... Sigh. Then feiqi ask me how was I feeling. She also smsed me cause she probably know I wouldn't talk. I practically ignored a lot of people todae. Then I wrote on this small green notebook to express my feelings I have bottled up in me. As I wrote, I cried. I hope Husna and Shiqi/lei didnt see. I could have poured out all my tears but I didn't want anyone to see me cry. Even before cca started, I already felt like crying for no reason. Then I passed the notebook to feiqi and she wrote back. Thanks laopo~! <3 (abit no link but she's really nice)

But during training, I felt slightly better hanging out with the sec2s, even though I wasn't a least bit happy when I saw I was training them again. Ming Shuai is SUPPAHH FUNNEEHH XD I almost died laughing when Kee Kong & Jeremy were pumping WITHOUT SOCKS AND SHOES LMAO!!!

Yeah, I guess SJAB is really a sort of anger management thing for me :o

Now move on to why I ignore people (please choose the option that applies to you, tyvm):
1 - I hate you, and I can't be bothered to give any fucks. (Error 404: No fucks found)
2 - I don't wanna scream at you and get into an argument with you, then making both of us sad (or sadder). I still treasure you as a friend.

Todae, I also wanna talk about 'Apologies'
I experienced 2 cases of this. It was kinda weird, but I felt nothing to it. (Ok, I don't wanna talk about this cause this is kinda irrelevant)
But anyways, IM REALLY SORRY FOR IGNORING YOU GUYS JUST NOW >~< (especially GJH, FQ, SQ, SL etc etc)

Okies, shall not continue! #RantinggMoodSwingingg